Written for the Men in Blazers BlazerCon contest.
America
(to the tune of "America" from West Side Story, music by Leonard Bernstein, original lyrics by Stephen Sondheim)
Hail to soccer
Sport of the future
Now is your time of ascendance
New records in TV tracking
Old sponsors putting up the backing
Hail to blazers
And this convention
Thousands of fans in attendance
Savoring each rumored sacking
Keeping the footy banter cracking
Optimally lacking
Shoutout to the fandom
Cheering on the random
From your crap part of Manhattan
And other towns you are sat in
Boots are called cleats in America
Divers are cheats in America
Everything beats in America
But summer heats in America
Watching the women win once more
Hoping the men will at least score
To keep a good field for our teams
We'll prosecute you for tax schemes
Everyone can in America
Choose their own clan in America
When you're a fan in America
One weekend plan in America
Waking up early until June
Frustrated sad napping by noon
Derbies with neighbors and trick hats
Not horses, big trucks, or at-bats
It's a cliche in America
Children all play in America
Trav'ling away in America
Takes a whole day in America
Multiple games on our smart phones
Kickoff times spread over four zones
Games in the city of my birth
Where playing fields don't use real earth
Not as much stress in America
Neither finesse in America
While there's progress in America
We pay far less in America
MLS spreading from each shore
Hard to compete with the Big Four
Other fans think us a bit queer
But at least we have the best beer
