The Story of Casey and Jesse (and Frankie)

One of the early narrative threads from the the 2014-15 EPL season was the controversy over Chelsea legend Frank Lampard, who was announced to have signed with new MLS team NYCFC and then went on loan to parent club Manchester City. His contributions at Man City (including a last minute strike against Chelsea) led to an extension of the "loan" through the end of the EPL season and conflicting reports as to whether he had ever formally signed with New York. 

With the opening of the 2015 MLS season, we lay out the pros and cons of each team and fondly remember the futility of any decision Lamps himself may have made. Written for a Men in Blazers contest.

THE STORY OF CASEY AND JESSE (AND FRANKIE)

(parody of THE STORY OF LUCY AND JESSIE from Follies, original lyrics and music by Stephen Sondheim)

Here's a story all about our Super Frank

And his two connected teams

Let us call them Casey Brit and Jesse Yank

A descriptive naming scheme

Now Jesse means unsurety

The relative obscurity

That comes with living in the USA

Casey has maturity

Without career security

No guarantee he'll start or even play

Given Frankie's history

And legend rank

It makes sense that his two teams

Represent two far extremes

It seems

Casey is pacey 

All egos and pride

Jesse is messy

Completely untried

Casey gets to play Messi

Jesse seems a bit spacey

Casey looks down on Jesse

Not Jesse Casey

You see, Casey is scary

Yet terribly rich

Jesse spares Terry

But borrows a pitch

Casey wants to beat Terry

Jesse wants to be Casey

Negotiations are hairy

As may the case be

Both have woes

Lusting after rusting pros

Casey wants to have what Jesse owned

Jesse wants returned what Casey loaned

Now if he picks Casey Brit

Hated, rated, Casey Brit

Chelsea fans are wont to throw an awful fit

But if he picks Jesse Yank

Rumored, humored Jesse Yank

He may be a pachyderm who walked the plank

Pacey Casey

Messy Jesse

Casey has pixie

Midfielders with flair

Jesse has Mixy and fashionable hair

Casey likes to be tricksy

Jesse travels to Dixie

But Casey and Jesse are basic'lly one

So his choice may not forestall a

Father who would cheat his son!