(to the tune of Buddy's Blues from Follies, original lyrics and music by Stephen Sondheim)
Hello, folks we're into September
Four weeks played out of 38
Hold now, folks, let's pause to remember
The heartbreak and confusion that we've weathered of late
Cause all the business we did last month made me upset
I'm so betwixt and between
The players I want, we don't seem to get
The players we get, you know what I mean!
I've got those "Gee-another-transfer-window-deadline-is-behind-us" blues
That "Can't-believe-you-didn't-spring-for-any-big-new-signings" feelin'
The "What's-the-point-of-contracts-if-you-break-them-all" rot
And so-and-so's-a-legend, true, so what of his spot?
Those "Promising-young-players-that-we're-training-all-got-loaned-out" feelings
Those "God-we-need-a-striker-oh-you-signed-one-well-he-sucks-now" blues.
The Sun said we were making (we're making! they said)
A record-breaking bid (it's big, it's big!)
For some unproven starlet (his star's lit, they said)
A German wunder kid (ist ein Gewinner)
And had our bid succeeded (unimpeded, we'd signed)
His talent would run dry (Ay-yi-yi)
But since he's with our rivals (arriviste, we scoffed)
His PPI is sky high
I've got those "If-I-were-a-glory-hunter-this-could-be-my-season" blues
That "Now-look-even-Wenger-knows-that-fourth-place-ain't-no-trophy" feelin'
And pints on Sunday morning may not make me a lush
The game's not on for hours yet so hey, what's the rush?
That "Sometimes-the-solution-may-be-driving-to-White-City" feelings
Those "Go-ahead-and-kill-me"
"There's-no-way-to-please-me"
"Sign-or-don't-or-stay-or-leave-you-only-want-to-tease-me"
"What's-the-fee-for-feeding-a-full-stable-of-small-horses" blues.
We finally offloaded (he's off! he's off!)
That washed-up former star (staarrrr...)
His contract had a rider (providers, we were)
That dwarfed an armored car (it's literally a car)
But once you count the losses (why the bosses are sad)
In merchandising bucks (the real influx)
His leaving means our Fair Play (Ha! some Fair Play)
Finance status still sucks
I've got those "Gee-another-transfer-window-deadline-is-behind-us" blues
That "Can't-believe-you-didn't-spring-for-any-big-new-signings" feelin'
The "What's-the-point-of-contracts-if-you-break-them-all" rot
And so-and-so's-a-legend, true, so what of his spot?
Those "Promising-young-players-that-we're-training-all-got-loaned-out" feelings
Those "If-we-would-then-they-wouldn't"
"If-they-won't-then-we-hafta"
"Bid-low-pay-high"
"Yes-no-sell-buy"
"Til-another-transfer-window-deadline-is-behind-us" blues!
