No Way to Stop Us

Our illustrious von Trapps really ought to have a song from their namesake musical, so here is one written to "No Way to Stop It" from the Broadway version of The Sound of Music. Ironically, the original song is in favor of capitulating to the invincible Germans.
Written for the Men in Blazers Search for a Song for the USMNT Brazil 2014. Recorded here.

 No Way to Stop Us (to the tune of No Way to Stop It from The Sound of Music)
The US may be newcomers to soccer
Unlike to baseball, apple pie, or war.
But this year's World Cup qualifying record shows we're
Perilous to ignore.
For there's no way to stop us,
No, there's no way to stop us
In the jungle, the mountains or the shore.
As we rise through the tourney
On our Brazilian journey
We'll be taking points and clean sheets by the score.

Now Green and Aron join with Deuce and Landon
And Brad and Timmy fortify the goal
Our holding mids are fierce and tall and have on the ball
Impeccable control.
So there's no way to stop us
When we set up to stop you
Our back four standing stalwart in their role.
How we'll shock the Brasilero
When we beat them dos a cero
In an atmosphere defined by Outlaw soul.

From sea, to plain, for waves, of grain
And for another hundred years
America will cheer us
And all the world will hear us
Sing!

So though we're drawn to Portugal and Ghana
And Jurgen proves that Germans don't give way
Our intellect and drive and courage will dominate
All of the teams we play.
And they won't ever stop us
They have no way to stop the
Stars and stripes, waving gaily o'er the fray.
As our boys start to come home
Leaving Spurs, Augsburg, and Rome
MLS is gaining stature by the day.

U! S! A! There's no way to stop the U S A!

Gee, President Blatter

Various interest groups petition and complain to the head of FIFA. Written for the Men in Blazers on Broadway competition in September 2013.

GEE, PRESIDENT BLATTER

(to the tune of Gee, Officer Krupke from West Side Story)

SOUTH AMERICA:

Dear football federation

We think it's so unfair

With our emerging nations

You never want to share

The game's not Euro-centric

So we'll protest until

World Cup '14, see you in Brazil!

BRAZIL:

Ack! Blatter and Rousseff, you're out of your minds

And where's the funding for that blank check that you just signed

We're in a recession, and down on our luck

Our civil services just suck.

Pay three bucks, ride a truck, and get stuck in muck

Cause our infrastructure really sucks.

MISOGYNISTS:

A global tv fandom

Sells tickets, kits, and beers

But growing it in tandem

With women as our peers

And not just things to ogle

Confounds our hollow heads

They should show off cleavage like you said.

WOMEN:

Neanderthal Blatter, you're really a square

And what gives you the right to judge what I choose to wear?

You'd rather see stockings than shorts and sport bras

Yet goal celebrations give you pause.

It's no cause, to burn bras, no oppressive laws,

But hypocrisy does give us pause.

EVERYONE WITH A BRAIN:

Appeal to common sense says

Qatar is too damn hot

They may have bribed the old Pres

But change that they can not

So playing in the winter has got to be the fix

Just convince the European cliques.

EPL:

Um, President Blatter, you don't understand

Premier League games on Boxing Day are already planned

Plus how do we stand up for tolerant play

When it's a crime there to be gay.

Biters stay, wankers play, and it's all okay

But host countries shouldn't outlaw gays.

AMERICANS:

Dear those who call it "football"

It's cheaters we don't like

And patronizing game calls

Like Johnson on the mike

When players like Stu Holden

Get cut down on the pitch

Simulation seems a little rich.

EVERYONE ELSE:

Yeah, President Blatter, we kinda agree

Hands of God and swanning falls we don't care to see

How long did it take you to get goal line tech?

Still refereeing is a wreck.

Hit the deck, grab your neck, fake a ten car wreck

Cause there can't be post-match double checks.

You come off kind of seedy

And prone to social gaffes

We all suspect you're greedy

Along with your old staff

The audience is growing

But so too are our groans

Blatter, time to step down from your throne.

Gee President Blatter, we're down on our knees

Cause no one respects FIFA when it's brimming with sleaze

Most popular sports can't be lead by lame ducks

Gee, President Blatter, get chucked!